


Double Depression

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [17]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Asexual Character, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 23:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16459250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: Cal chews his nails and Zevran gets fed up.





	Double Depression

**Author's Note:**

> I... Have no idea where this goes in the timeline...
> 
> I know I said I was gonna do Cal lives au but for that I need to play Awakening and ughhh.
> 
> So have this super depressing piece instead.

Zevran watched as Cal sat at the fire, with his one hand, he was petting Barkspawn, with the other, he was putting his fingers to his mouth. Was he biting his nails? Zevran walked over and sat beside the young warden.

 

“My warden,  I-” Zevran began.

 

“Cal.”

 

Zevran paused, “What?”

 

Cal was staring at the flames blankly. “Call me Cal.”

 

“Uh, of course, Cal, what are you doing to your fingers?” 

 

“Chewing.” He said non-chantlantly.

 

“Can I see your hand?” Zevran asked.

 

Cal gave him his right hand, pausing from petting his dog. Zevran held it up to the firelight. Cal's hands were soft, nothing like his, calloused and scarred. But his nails, and nail beds, were a mess. They were all chewed to the nub, and the part where the nail met the skin were picked clean leaving bright red scabs, some were still bleeding.

 

“Why don't you heal these?” He asked, for Cal it would be child's play, he seen him heal giant slashes and stabs.

 

Cal shrugged and continued to assault his nails, occasionally spitting the bitten off pieces into the fire. Zevran shook his head.

 

“This is ridiculous, no man I court will have such atrocious nails if I can help it.” Zevran stood and wandered to his tent.

 

Cal didn't raise his eyes from the fire, but he sighed deeply and frowned. He returned to petting Barkspawn and tried to ignore the sadness that was eating him alive.

 

Zevran returned and sat beside him once again and held out his hand. Cal didn't move. He took a deep breath and grabbed his hand out of his mouth. Cal looked mildly surprised but didn't move his gaze from the fire. Zevran began to smooth the jagged lines that Cal's teeth had wrought with a file. Cal tugged his hand back.

 

“Hurts.”

 

“It wouldn't hurt if you didn't chew them to the quick.” Zevran snapped as he grabbed back Cal's hand. “I've seen you slice your arm open in half, this is nothing.”

 

Cal shrugged once more and let Zevran work on his nails. After a fashion Zevran finished making do with the nails. He reached into his pouch and took out a small container, with a small brush. He began to paint Cal's nails, there was very little to work with. Cal frowned slightly and finally turned to look at Zevran.

 

“What's that?”

 

Zevran didn't look up “It's paint, it keeps your nails strong and should keep you from chewing them. It also happens to look amazing.”

 

Cal tugged at his hand but Zevran's grip was firm. “Like Orlesian women paint their faces?”

 

“A bit like that.”

 

Cal's eyes went wide and he ripped his hand away. “I'm. Not. A. Woman. Arainai.”

 

Zevran glanced up to see the fire at a concerning height, it was as tall as Cal standing. Cal was breathing hard and he had that look in his eyes he had in the circle. Zevran hadn't realized Cal remembered his last name.

 

“I didn't mean to imply you were.” Zevran said carefully, he put the paint down gently and took Cal's wrist. “In Antiva men and women paint their faces and sometimes their nails, you Ferelden's are so concerned with the difference between men and women, but truly what are the differences? One has a cock and one has breasts, but other than that you can wear and do what you choose. If it helps I will paint my nails as well.”

 

Cal's face had softened and the fire began to retreat. “I apologize, I'm used to having to fight to being seen as a man, my long hair and robes don't help.”

 

“It's ok.” He picked up the paint. “I don't see how ripping the tips of your fingers to shred is good, this is a good way to avoid it.”

 

Cal looked away, Zevran could tell he was already beating himself up at the outburst.

 

“I'm happy I got a rise out of you, when you're like this you're almost tranquil.” he continued to paint.

 

Cal shivered at the word.

 

Zevran let go of the hands. “Let that dry for 15 minutes.” He took the other hand and began to file. “What is bothering you my- Cal.”

 

Cal shrugged. “I just get like this, I feel really depressed and apathetic, I'm more tired than usual, I don't know, it usually lasts 3 days, this is day 2.”

 

Zevran frowned briefly before smirking. “I know something that could help.”

 

To his surprise Cal didn't blush or look confused, it seems this mood had truly taken him.

 

“What?”

 

“A little roll between the sheets?” Zevran asked.

 

“I've…” Cal looked lost for words before he continued. “pleasured myself before during these moods it helps for a little while but it always wears off.”

 

“It's different with a partner you know.” Zevran pressed as he began to paint.

 

“I can't bring myself to humour you, I like you but I don't want that. It's too much work for so little pleasure.”

 

“But you've never tried, correct?” Cal nodded. “I could do all the work, you just lay there and I will make you cum screaming.” Zevran said with his sultry voice, barely heard over the fire.

 

Cal still looked stubbornly disinterested, he didn't even look remotely aroused or even curious. Zevran huffed frustrated as he released Cal's other hand. 

 

“Let that dry, I'll be back.” Zevran stood and marched to the river they had camped beside.

 

He began to strip and let the clothes fall off him. Nude, he entered the river, shivering at its coolness. He began to clean himself, head to toe. What was with Cal? This mood seemed to take the life out of him? He wasn't the Cal, Zevran knew anymore. Sure Cal, was a bit morose, but it was easy to get a laugh or a blush out of him. Now he was…  _ empty _ . Zevran had meant it when he said he seemed tranquil, apathetic, even voice, and when not talked too, just staring blankly at nothing. He dunked his head under water, rinsing his hair before soaping it. Cal was usually so passionate about certain things, but now, it was as if someone had sucked the life out of him. Fully clean Zevran got out of the water and dried himself off, he couldn't think of something to cheer Cal up, and that bothered him, he was used to easy solutions. If hungry, kill someone, get paid. But this? He dressed, shook his head and returned to the fire, only to find Cal gone. Zevran knew by now to check his tent first, so he did. He entered and saw Cal, completely naked, shivering, staring blankly at the wall of the tent.

 

“What are you doing?” Zevran sighed.

 

“We can… we can fuck… if you want.” Cal said numbly as ever.

 

Zevran narrowed his eyes, Cal was completely soft and looked bored, he was not exactly an enthusiastic participant. “Do you really want to?”

 

Cal stared at him blankly for a long moment before his face broke into an enthusiastic grin. “Of course! I really want to!” Despite his 'enthusiasm’ Cal made no move toward him.

 

This… wasn't Cal either, quiet, blushing Cal? No. This was wrong. “You're lying to please me.”

 

Cal's face… no mask, the mask faltered, before Cal redoubled his efforts. “No I really want to.” His smile was too large to be genuine.

 

“You can't fool an assassin.” Zevran said dryly.

 

The mask broke, and Cal's emotionless face returned. “How?”

 

“That thing on your face might fool Wynne, but it doesn't fool me. I know you too well.”

 

Cal looked to the side and he huffed. “Sorry for lying, I just wanted to cheer you up.”

 

Cal didn't look very sorry, but he figured he'd let it pass. Zevran threw Cal's clothes at him. “Get dressed.”

 

Cal obliged and once dressed he shimmied down into the furs. Zevran got into his small clothes and got in there with him.

 

“You don't have to lie to please me.” Zevran sighed, “I should be trying to cheer you up.”

 

Cal cuddled close to him. “You can't, but knowing you want to, helps. A little.”

 

Zevran pushed the breath from his lungs in dissatisfaction before kissing Cal's forehead. “I suppose that will have to be enough.”

 

And with that he held him until Cal fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a funk right now so I thought I'd give my problems to Cal and dream about someone actually being thoughtful and kind to me :')


End file.
